Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
