So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize