you traded sex for a burrito?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
