We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
