I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
