you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize