my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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