dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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