hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
