please come you make the beer taste better
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
