i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
