do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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