On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
