I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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