i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
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