The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
