he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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