I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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