His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
