I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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