My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
