How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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