i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My life is pants optional.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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