I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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