Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
