Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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