My hand turned me down
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
