ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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