I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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