Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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