Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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