I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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