just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
