my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
