none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
