Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
