hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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