weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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