um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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