Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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