You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
