Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize