zippers are such a cool invention
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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