When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
