you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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