She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
