i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize