i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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