FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
