I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
