god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize