its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
