she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
