the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
