Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
