I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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