I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
