I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
