I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
