Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
