we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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