The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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