Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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