She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
