It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize