The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
