Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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